Friday, May 11, 2012

Meh Friday

I'm making pretty good pre-op progress... but today I'm wearing an outfit I thought was slimming, but the photo and the mirror are SOOO different.

I can't wait until I look SMALLER in photos then I seem in the mirror...

MEH! lol



Thursday, May 10, 2012

Support

Griffin Bariatrics As I mentioned in my last post, I have just ONE more month left of my 6 month supervised pre-op diet, and my insurance requires that I attend support groups as part of the submission process. So last night I went to Griffin Hospital in Derby, CT for my first meeting. I was so nervous, I didn't know where the hospital was, where the room was, who and how many people would be there, what it would be like, etc. I was scared as hell! So i showed up 30 minutes early and listened to NPR in my car for 15 minutes to settle my nerves. I walked in and asked the woman at the front desk where to go.

"Oh, you want cafeteria room 2..."

"Ok, where's the cafeteria?"

Woman rolls eyes... "It's down the hall, take a right, then take a left, and go into the cafe, it's on the left side. It's ALWAYS there."

"Thanks."

Her attitude distracted me, and I quickly found myself standing in the middle of a nearly empty hospital cafeteria, with carpeted floors, and a single table of people eating and laughing. I saw an open door on the far left side of the room, and a tall, slender man in aqua shorts walked into it. I remembered seeing him in my doctor's office earlier that month, only that time he was wearing salmon colored shorts. I figured that must be the place!

I entered the room and noticed there were 3 long tables pushed together, forming what I imagined would promote a "round-table" type discussion. I sincerely hoped these people were nice. And they were! The woman moderating the group, the Griffin Hosp chaplain, had been a Lap Band patient of Dr. Ehrlich's 7 years earlier. She was great at keeping our attention, and the women (and 2 men) of the group talked and laughed, as if we had just sit down to a family dinner. Being the only pre-op patient, they offered me advice, shared their personal hurdles, and applauded my (albeit minimal) success since January.

I was thrilled to hear that the man in blue shorts and I both have the same insurance, and his approval came just 3 days after submitting his information. I have been dreading the seemingly arbitrary approval process and waiting times. On TTF, I've found that patients with the same insurance company as me have received their approval in anywhere from 4 days to 8 weeks. So I was quite relieved to find out that this man had heard so promptly. I hope I am that lucky!

Anyway, I was very happy with the group. I will definitely be going back there. I've found it's SO important to have some type of support system. One woman at the group said only her husband knew she'd had the surgery, she hadn't even told her parents, and she was 8 weeks post-op. I couldn't even START to imagine going through this process without my parents' support. It's been so important to me. But then again, my parents are awesome. And support me through all my decisions, mistakes, and challenges. I'm sure not everyone is so lucky. So if YOU are not as fortunate as I am, please find an external support system. Even if you're not telling friends, family, or co-workers, having a support system almost guarantees your success. Reach out to your surgeon's office, or local hospital for a schedule of free support groups in your area, or simply Google it! :D

Best of luck to us all...

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Holy $#!T! The homestretch!

Gosh, it seems nearly impossible that my pre-op journey is almost over. I remember thinking -- at my surgical consult -- that six months would take FORRRRRRREVVVVVVEEEEER!!!!! I was almost angry with CIGNA for requiring such a ridiculously long supervised diet. Boy has that changed. I'm practically grateful for that time now. I honestly don't know if I would be anywhere near as prepared as I am, if I had been able to have the surgery within, say, 3 months...

I am thankful for my parents and my (sexy!) husband for supporting my decision to make this radical change. For never once second-guessing me, and always hugging me when I need it. For always cheering me on, even if I've only lost one pound in a month.

I am thankful for finding the ThinnerTimesForum. A wonderful community of men and women who have had all types of WLS, who open up their hearts and souls to painstakingly account for every ounce of pain, every NSV (non-scale victory), every hurdle, every failed marriage, every heartbreak, and every goal met. It's truly inspiring, and everyone there is a winner (as well as a "loser!")

I am thankful for Holly -- my strong, IRL friend of 7 years -- who had the sleeve surgery last year, and has patiently answered all of my ridiculous, paranoid, bizarre, and random questions with grace. Answering my panicked text messages about gas, poop, vitamins, extra skin, and skinny sex without the slightest hint of annoyance. Thank you so much, Holl, I love you!


I am so thankful for the few friends I've chosen to tell about this, because I know they wont judge me, or tell me I'm bound to fail. Realistically, I know that after the surgery, some friendships will not last. I've read about them on the forums, and some people just can't handle such life changes. So... to Syd (who helped me make the yummy fruit kabobs above), Ally, Tracy, Christine, Reed, Natasha, Soda Pop and Blondie: thanks for being my cheering section. For not pressuring me one way or another. For just "being there" through thick (heh!) and thin. Love you fools! :-D

I have ONE more nutritionist appointment before I can submit to insurance. I have gone to see the bariatric psychologist, had my upper GI sonogram, done the blood panels, gotten a letter of necessity from my PCP, and completed a sleep apnea study (I should have taken a picture of the helmet I had to sleep in!). This month, I will be attending two support groups and have an endoscopy, so by the time my last NUT appointment rolls around, I will have EVERYTHING complete. I'm pretty proud of myself for getting it all done. I LIKE to think I'm organized, but I'm a Gemini with self-diagnosed ADHD, so shit doesn't always keep my attention for very long. So this is a pretty big feat for me. I like being able to say I'm proud of myself. Especially when I know deep down I haven't half-assed it.

Thanks for reading! You haven't heard the last from me :-D

(PS -- I lost SIX pounds this month :-) That brings the total to 22 pounds lost!)

Sunday, March 4, 2012

"I'm really proud of you"...

Last night, my best friend and his wife were visiting, and I told them about my weight loss surgery plans. I'm pretty cautious about telling people, I'm afraid that people wont understand and start giving me unwelcome advice or opinions that will leave me upset, or -- god forbid -- I find a way to sabotage myself, and chicken out on the procedure... It's very unlikely, but I would feel (almost) like a failure if I were to tell dozens of people my plans, and then no follow through.

So, last night I manned up and told my friends. They were so happy for me. They listened attentively, and I found myself quite excited as I spelled out the procedure, and listed off all the appointments I've had already, and what still needs to be done before insurance approves surgery. After what felt like I'd verbally vomited on them for hours, I came up for air and waited nervously for their feedback. My BFF is not a man who is ever at a loss for words, it's sometimes hard to get him to shut up lol... He stammered for a few seconds, and then simply said "I'm really proud of you".

I'm really lucky to have such a great support system, supportive family and friends :-)

Then we went out with another couple for sushi. We had a BOATLOAD of fun ;-)

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Emotional Eating - killing the urge!

Last night, after a debate with my husband over money, I retreated to my best friend in the whole house - food. Last night it was a Tofutti Cutie ice cream sandwich bar, it's not as bad as other sweets are, but that's not my concern at the moment.

I've spent too many years of my life literally FEEDING my depression. It's not a secret that I severely hate confrontation, and often during a debate or argument, I prefer to give in (whether I'm right or wrong) than to reach an agreement or end. I get to a point emotionally where I physically can't stand the strain, and I end up blowing up, surrendering or shutting down.

Luckily, last night wasn't an issue that led to fighting, crying, or binging. I was simply sad and depressed, and I promptly went to the freezer to make myself feel better.

I worry that I may not be able to break this comforting habit after my surgery. I have been doing great over the past month in terms of choosing much more wisely than ever before, I've lost a few pounds, and I'm definitely proud of myself. But this is way more than I can physically control. I have had dozens of therapy sessions to address my emotional state of mind. And while physically I'm strong enough to keep making positive, healthy choices, I'm fearful that my emotions will beat me in the end.

Does anyone else feel like this? They must... right? Maybe once that crap is out of my house, I wont have the option to "emotion eat"... I dunno...

It's probably worth talking to my bariatric LCSW about it. Le sigh...

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Inspire Me!

Soooo, I've started looking at other weight loss surgery blogs for inspiration. I am actually pleasantly surprised by the amount of quality personal journeys I've been able to find! I hope that one day I'll be an inspiration to someone just starting out also!

Here are some of my favorites:



And of course my GREATEST VSG inspiration in the world Holly!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Under construction

I'm working in my new blog layout. Please bear with me :-)

 
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