"I'm really proud of you"...

Last night, my best friend and his wife were visiting, and I told them about my weight loss surgery plans. I'm pretty cautious about telling people, I'm afraid that people wont understand and start giving me unwelcome advice or opinions that will leave me upset, or -- god forbid -- I find a way to sabotage myself, and chicken out on the procedure... It's very unlikely, but I would feel (almost) like a failure if I were to tell dozens of people my plans, and then no follow through.

So, last night I manned up and told my friends. They were so happy for me. They listened attentively, and I found myself quite excited as I spelled out the procedure, and listed off all the appointments I've had already, and what still needs to be done before insurance approves surgery. After what felt like I'd verbally vomited on them for hours, I came up for air and waited nervously for their feedback. My BFF is not a man who is ever at a loss for words, it's sometimes hard to get him to shut up lol... He stammered for a few seconds, and then simply said "I'm really proud of you".

I'm really lucky to have such a great support system, supportive family and friends :-)

Then we went out with another couple for sushi. We had a BOATLOAD of fun ;-)

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Emotional Eating - killing the urge!

Last night, after a debate with my husband over money, I retreated to my best friend in the whole house - food. Last night it was a Tofutti Cutie ice cream sandwich bar, it's not as bad as other sweets are, but that's not my concern at the moment.

I've spent too many years of my life literally FEEDING my depression. It's not a secret that I severely hate confrontation, and often during a debate or argument, I prefer to give in (whether I'm right or wrong) than to reach an agreement or end. I get to a point emotionally where I physically can't stand the strain, and I end up blowing up, surrendering or shutting down.

Luckily, last night wasn't an issue that led to fighting, crying, or binging. I was simply sad and depressed, and I promptly went to the freezer to make myself feel better.

I worry that I may not be able to break this comforting habit after my surgery. I have been doing great over the past month in terms of choosing much more wisely than ever before, I've lost a few pounds, and I'm definitely proud of myself. But this is way more than I can physically control. I have had dozens of therapy sessions to address my emotional state of mind. And while physically I'm strong enough to keep making positive, healthy choices, I'm fearful that my emotions will beat me in the end.

Does anyone else feel like this? They must... right? Maybe once that crap is out of my house, I wont have the option to "emotion eat"... I dunno...

It's probably worth talking to my bariatric LCSW about it. Le sigh...

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Inspire Me!

Soooo, I've started looking at other weight loss surgery blogs for inspiration. I am actually pleasantly surprised by the amount of quality personal journeys I've been able to find! I hope that one day I'll be an inspiration to someone just starting out also!

Here are some of my favorites:

• Chronicles of a Lifetime Dieter
• Losing Pounds and Gaining... ME!
• My Journey to a Healthier, Happier Me
• Tummy like a Banana
• In Weigh Over my Head
• The World According to Eggface
• Working toward goal
• Can't wait to lose {it}
• This One Body
• The ramblings of a chick with a picc
• SeeSondraSlim

And of course my GREATEST VSG inspiration in the world Holly!

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Under construction

I'm working in my new blog layout. Please bear with me :-)

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When I'm Thin ...

I work for a wine import / export company, and there are literally hundreds of bottles in the office at any given time. I don't work in the warehouse, but the creative team and wine planning team always have bottles perched and grouped on tables, desks, the floor, shelves, etc... and one day, when I'm thin, I will be able to walk to the bathroom without all of the bottles shaking and knocking together... My office is so quiet, you could literally hear a pin drop, and when I walk to the bathroom I'm VERY self-conscious about the noise I make. Obviously I'm not the only one this happens to, but I guess my emotions are amplified because of my weight problem.

So HERE'S to no more shaken bottles!!!

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How much have you lost?

I joined the ThinnerTimesForum, which is a GREAT resource for anyone considering, planning, or post-weight loss surgery. I found a member on the board, and his blog has been very inspiring.

One of his posts has a great equivalency to see in "real-life" how to relate the weight you lost... it's incredible... 

**UPDATED 2/16/2012: LucasWithTheWeightOff.com is currently down. Here is the list:  **

1 pound = a guinea pig
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Mac Book Pro
6 pounds = a human’s skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= an average gallon of paint
11 pounds = an average house cat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs (or 120 eggs)
16 pounds = a Sperm Whale’s brain
20 pounds = a car tire
22 pounds = 200 golf balls
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
26 pounds = average weight of a Koala Bear
30 pounds = average vacuum cleaner
31 pounds = average amount of manure produced by a horse each day
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant’s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s penis (yep, weighs more than his heart!)
65 pounds = Lotus Mk3 – Aluminum Body Shell
68 pounds = 40” SONY Bravia Widescreen TV
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
110 pounds = a mature Rough Fell ewe (a breed of sheep, originating in the UK, I had to Google it!)
117 pounds = the average fashion model (and she’s 5’11”)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopaedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
140 pounds = the average amount of sugar a human consumes in one year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’4”)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = a Vespa Moped
249.1 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football linesman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

 
* weight loss met

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Breakfast of {skinny} champions!

This morning I tried a sample of Strawberry Bariatric Advantage High Protein Meal Replacement shake, that my nutritionist gave me. I used skim milk instead of cold water to mix it up, in my brand new 28oz Blenderbottle. It worked GREAT. I can't wait to have my next shake! My nutritionist told me when I use my blender to use "pulse" not "blend" because the shake will get almost cake-batter like. So when I saw the Blenderbottle on Amazon.com, I couldn't wait to try it!

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